Goodbye, Friends

I should have deleted my Instagram when I announced my fourth pregnancy years ago and was bombarded with comments telling me to get on birth control.

I should have deleted my Instagram when my youngest baby was sent to the NICU for premature lungs at birth, and instead of offering well wishes or prayers, many people just took the time to send me hate mail for giving him a “stupid name”.

I should have deleted my Instagram when I took five minutes to post a picture of my kids in their Halloween costumes while waiting for my husband to get home from work in 2018, and someone sent me a message saying they were calling social services on me because I should be “reading to my kids, not taking dumb pictures all day”.

I should have deleted my Instagram when one of my followers made multiple fake profiles to send me messages that said all I ever do is rub my money in people’s faces and will never know what it’s like to be poor. I grew up in poverty with no stable home.

I should have deleted my Instagram when people accused me of lying about my parents being drug addicts because I’m a vegetarian. Not sure what kind of logic that is, but sure…

I should have deleted my Instagram every time I was called ugly, every time my husband was called ugly, every time I was accused of something, every time I was called a bad mom, every time my beliefs were chastised, every time people made me question myself.

I should have deleted my Instagram a long, long time ago.

But I stayed. I wanted to believe that the good in the world could outweigh the bad, and I wanted to believe that I was doing something positive by spreading my love out there. I posted less and less over the last year. I turned my comment sections private so that only my followers could comment. I eventually turned my whole page private. I was trying my hardest to justify continuing to have my page, but after this week, I no longer could. I’m sorry.

Last weekend, I was sent to the ER by my doctor after fainting during a hemorrhage while 8 weeks pregnant. I knew I was miscarrying, like I had done multiple times in the past, but the bleeding was extreme. Obviously, no one wants to be in a hospital during a global pandemic, but I have a genetic anemia that has caused me to need multiple blood transfusions in the past; so I knew I had to go in, after losing that much blood. My husband wasn’t allowed at the hospital with me because of the current virus restrictions, and after hours of tests, IV drips, and being told the baby didn’t make it, I felt deeply alone and desperately needing a friend. I made a mistake that I think a lot of young people make, and I turned to the Internet for that. I posted from the ER about what I was experiencing, and I shamefully sought some kind of comfort from the comment sections in the midst of my chaos. Within minutes of posting, I read everyone’s sincere comments, while sobbing my eyes out; I was just so thankful to have so much support and camaraderie in such a deeply lonely and horrific moment. And then I checked my inbox.

“You have enough kids! There’s more important things in life than breeding like a rabbit”

“Find a better hobby besides being pregnant.”

“Geeze how many kids until you stop?”

The messages went on and on. My chest tightened as I read them, my anxiety went through the roof, and when I thought I couldn’t feel any worse about my current situation, I did. I posted on Instagram in my darkest hour and found myself pushed into further darkness. I deleted my account, and I know that was for the best.

I’m sorry to the people who I let down. I’m sorry to the people who came to my page for a source of inspiration or happiness and now it’s no longer there. I’m struggling to process my miscarriage after trying to conceive for over a year, I’m struggling to process the current state of the world during this viral outbreak, and I’m struggling to process the evil that’s inside of people to make them act the way that they do on the Internet. I don’t know what my future holds, but I do know that I currently don’t want Instagram to be a part of it. Thank you for your friendship over the years. Thank you for those of you who shared so many kind words and messages with me. Thank you for being a part of my family since I created my account in 2012. Yesterday, I turned 30, and though it was a somber day filled with an empty sadness and grief, I am grateful for three decades on this Earth and looking forward to a better year ahead. Be well, friends.

44 Replies to “Goodbye, Friends”

  1. I am so sorry, Charlotte for what you have been through and for the insensitivity of people. So hard to believe people can be so cruel. With your inherent upbeat personality, I feel that in time the effect of these horrible comments will fade for you.
    People that truly care about you, even tho we don’t personally know you, are thinking and praying for you. Please accept my virtual hug.

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    1. You are such a ray of sunshine, I will miss seeing your beautiful family on instagram. Thank you for sharing all that you have. I’m praying for you and for a full recovery. Xoxo

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      1. I am sorry for your loss and for everything you are going through. You are such a wonderful mum and a massive inspiration. Thank you for sharing over the years despite the internet trolls – you’ve made me a better mum for it. Love Melanie

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  2. I feel gutted reading your words, I am sorry for how you were treated, and wish there was a way to ease your pain.
    I have also gone through the horrors of miscarriage and therefore understand how vulnerable you were feeling when you posted and the utter cruelty of those who chose to drag you even deeper into the darkness makes my heart break for you. But I also understand how courageous you were being when you shared your heart with us, I could never publicly share those feelings, although I tried.
    I will definitely miss your account, since I benefited so much from your light, but I am also proud of you for making this decision to take care of yourself and your family.
    I pray that you continue to feel the love of all of us, whose lives you had such an impact on.
    Continue to shine Charlotte, the world needs you, and most importantly your family does too.
    Sending all my love and my prayers ♥️

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  3. I’m so sorry for your loss and for you having to experience those horrible comments.
    I will miss your posts and your beautiful pics on Instagram.
    Love and best wishes from the Swede in Denmark. ❤️

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  4. I am so sorry for your loss and that you received such terrible messages. I don’t know what is wrong with people who harm others and are just incapable of being kind.

    I just wanted you to know that I was following you because of your positivity. I found such happiness in your and your kids laughter. I hope you will find back to a happy place in life, that your wish of another pregnancy will be fulfilled at one point in the future and that all of you stay healthy! 💜

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  5. I have truly enjoyed following you over the years. I have loved seeing what a great mother and wife you are and have loved to feel connected in some way. My heart is breaking for you for so many reasons. Lots of love and lots of prayers. I hope to hear from you again soon ❤️

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  6. I’m so sorry for your loss. What you’re going through right now, many cannot comprehend. I’ve enjoyed watching your children grow, and I have had such inspiration from your account. I am so sorry that the trolls of the internet have taken out their insecurities on you. You are a wonderful mom, wife, and friend. While I’ve never met you, or walked in your shoes, I feel like we are friends. Your strength is amazing, and I hope to one day have a fraction of the strength you have. Hang in there. We are rooting for you!

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  7. I saw your post and went back a couple hours later to leave a comment, and when I saw your account was gone, I just knew what had happened. I’m so sorry, Charlotte – for your loss and also for the way you were treated. It’s just unacceptable. I’m sorry you had to go through that alone. I’m wishing you and your sweet family peace and wellness during this time. Thank you for sharing a piece of yourself with us. I’ll miss you. ❤️

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  8. I send so much love your way. I too do not understand why and how people can be unkind. I was taught that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. I also try to live my life by the Golden Rule, do unto others as you’d have done to you.
    Please know that there IS good in this world, and although I do not blame you for taking care of you and deleting your account, you will be genuinely missed in my IG feed. I came across your family’s story during the hurricane and Leif’s birth and have followed along since. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed all of your content. Your girls especially make me laugh.
    Let these good, supportive comments coming in here, buoy your spirit during this difficult time.

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  9. Oh Charlotte, I’m so sorry for your loss and I’m so sorry that you received such vitriol. I can’t imagine the trauma you’ve been through. I was sad to see you go on Instagram but I completely understand. You have a beautiful family and I’ve enjoyed following you. Best of luck to you and your family in the future.

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  10. So sorry for your loss! I hope you are doing better in regards to the blood loss. I know it will take time to heal with the loss, but know you have the support and love from a stranger who has been in the same situation with miscarrying at 8 weeks.
    I am truly saddened to hear that you have left Instagram, though I don’t fault you for doing what is best for your family and yourself. I am just being selfish because I enjoyed your content and seeing your adorable family grow and love!
    I wish you all the best, I will continue to frequent your blog posts!! ❤️❤️

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  11. I’m heartbroken that you’ve had to deal with such awful internet things. You’ve already endured so much sadness and hardship in your life, it’s just terrible to have had to deal with this too 😦 you are an incredible person, I wish we could be friends in real life. Your family is just beautiful and they are just so lucky to have you and Tom. Though I wish I could continue to be a fly on your inspiring everyday wall, I respect the hard decision to leave this space behind. Wishing you nothing but happiness, joy and peace. I hope your body and spirits are healing best they can. We are all still thinking of you during an impossibly difficult week. Hug your littles and know that you’re raising some pretty awesome kids. They are so smart and kind. Thank you for sharing so much of your life with us. Will be thinking of you on your next chapter! Hope you pop in here someday to say hi. Xoxo

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  12. So gutted to see you leave the platform but I don’t blame you and I totally understand. I’m so so sorry you’ve had to endure so much negativity – the internet can be so nasty. You’re a wonderful wonderful mother and while we’ll miss you, I know your little family will continue to thrive and have many more joyful adventures. Praying for comfort and healing for you through this miscarriage! I know that pain all too well.

    love and blessings from a long time follower, Liza.

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    1. I am so sorry for your loss. I know very well what that’s like. I’m also sorry that the internet trolls were so horrid. You’re a wonderful mother and a positive, kind and beautiful person. Your Instagram page was such a bright spot in my day. I’d often read it to my husband and girls. I hope that maybe you’ll post here occasionally, so we can know how you’re doing. I will pray for you and your family and hope that you have many more additions to your family in the future. May God bless you and keep you all safe! Thank you for blessing all of us by sharing your life with us!♥️

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  13. Hi Charlotte, I’m sorry for your loss. You’re a real sunshine. I don’t understand people daring leaving bad comments to you in your situation. I wish you to recover soon. Take care of yourself. I will miss you and your lovely post. Ce n’est qu’un au revoir !

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  14. I miss seeing your posts on IG, a little Lela energy goes a long way but I completely understand why you left. What I don’t understand is why people are so mean. Who has the time or the energy for that?!

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    1. I am so sorry for your loss. I for one think it’s amazing that you are adding chatmans to the world. What I have learned is that we are all broken and it is what we do with our brokenness that makes the difference. You haven’t let your brokenness define you and you have created a loving home where you have broken the cycle. Those who have sent you those messages of hate are broken and are living out of their festered wounds that have never been healed. Really they should be pittied and prayed for but don’t for a second let their foul wounds/foul words shake your confidence.
      At first I thought you leaving Instagram was letting those haters win but you know what? You are winning by protecting your heart and sensitive soul and keeping your family memories safe and unscathed. May God continue to bless you and I am asking Jesus to tuck you into His most Sacred Heart to keep you close, in your time of sorrow, as you recuperate.

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  15. Hi Charlotte,

    I just wanted to thank you for giving me little bits of happiness over the past years. Your posts reminded me of the joys of my childhood along with the hardships that come with being an adult. You’ve got some pretty freaking amazing kids who have no idea how lucky they are to have you as a mother. If I can be half the mother that you are one day I would count myself lucky. Thank you for sharing your family and home with me, my day was always brightened when I saw your page.

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  16. I’ve been wondering where you went Charlotte! I’m so sorry about all that you’re going through. Sending you prayers of healing and wishing you the best. I will miss your adorable family and funny posts so much!

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  17. I had been searching for you after your post and I was so sad to see you weren’t on there anymore. I found you after I found out I was expecting our little boy and they would be 14 months apart. Seeing your family gave me so much hope and instead of people saying how hard it was and all the negative to two under two, you showed me how amazing it would be and it has been. Thank you for giving me that hope when I had so much worry. I’ve been praying for you and will continue to do so. Thank you again for showing me how amazing it is to have babies so close. I’m so sorry people are so mean.

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  18. First off, I’m so sorry for your loss and your broken dreams. I saw your post and then couldn’t find it and I was afraid some insensitive, cowardly troll had chased you away. For that I do not blame you. It takes strength you put yourself out there on the internet and noooo protection from the hurtful comments. I have enjoyed your instagram account. What not to love?…..a beautiful family, gorgeous children, an old house and a connection to my home town (New Orleans). I wish you well, I wish you happiness….I will miss your posts.

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  19. I’m so sorry for your loss 😢 I had a miscarriage last year and am sadly going to be marking what would have been my little babe’s due date in April. But we’re also joyous, because we’ll be welcoming a little rainbow baby later this year. But as I’m sure you all too well, that doesn’t begin to take away the pain and sadness of such a tremendous loss. I’m sorry for all the meanness you’re in the receiving end of, no one deserves that, especially a grieving mother. I was worried something had happened to you when I didn’t see you on IG and I’m sorry that that is the case. I’m thankful that you are still standing, hard as it is. I wish the best for you and your family in the future!

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  20. Dear Charlotte

    You and your family were the only ones i loved to follow on instagram. And Leif was the cutest thing i ever saw on instagram. I bought a Ukulele last Week for me and my 3 Kids because we loved it so much to listen to you… I wish you all the best in this world! I will miss you all…

    Love from Switzerland

    Carina

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  21. Dear Charlotte,
    I’m so sorry for your loss. I just went to check in on you today after realising I hadn’t seen anything from you for a wee while and, in not finding your Insta feed went searching. I’m so sorry that there are horrible people in the world who feel the need to tear people down. I loved your Insta feed. My kids are in their teens and I just loved your little cuties and their adventures, your dress ups and ukele playing, and your love for your family. I wish you every happiness in the future and will miss your funny, beautiful and loving posts brightening my day. Stay safe and take care of yourself.
    Love from Australia.

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  22. I’m sorry so to read this. I was like crazy trying to find you on Instagram, your posts are always so uplifting and I really needed some during this dark times.
    I hope you really feel better and make a lot of happy memories with your beautiful family. Xx from Brazil

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  23. I noticed you weren’t posting just today and went to see if I had missed anything. Still in the presumption you were taking a break from social media to recover. I’m so sorry you had such idiotic reactions to key moments in your life and that caused you to delete your Instagram. I wasn’t the most active follower but I want you to know I will miss your account and I hope you might reconsider once you’ve healed from this latest blow. I know how it feels, it leaves a mark! Best of luck in the future to you and your beautiful family!

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  24. Oh Charlotte.

    You just popped into my head and I went to your IG to check on you, and I full on panicked when you weren’t there. Reading what you wrote here just broke my heart.

    Like you, I cannot begin to understand what makes people feel like they can be so cruel online… What makes them WANT to be so cruel online. It’s especially confusing at such a scary time when humans should be sticking together and looking out for each other. And it’s most confusing when people are cruel to someone experiencing a tragedy on top of a global pandemic.

    I started following you days before you gave birth to baby Leif during the hurricane. I was instantly invested in your story, and found myself checking your IG multiple times a day to see if everything was ok. I felt so much relief when you finally posted that Leif was here and all was well. By that time, I was already in love with your sweet family.

    Since then, you’ve inspired me on a daily basis with your positive attitude, patience, humor, and kindness. You’ve inspired me to be a better mom. You have overcome so much in your life… You could be a dysfunctional parent, but you’re not. You could be bitter and angry at the world, but you aren’t. I think that’s why you attract the evil trolls… You have a life they can never have, because you live with love and gratitude, and they live with bitterness and hate.

    I’m so sorry that you’ve been treated so badly. I hope you know that the jerks may be loud, but they are not the majority. So many people love you and your sweet kids and will miss you dearly. I’m also so sorry for your incredible loss 😦 I will be thinking of you and hoping for peace for you during this very difficult time. Sending so much love.

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  25. You are precious, a beautiful soul, an amazing mom, and a loving wife. The malicious hate that’s been thrown at you makes me physically hurt, and I am so sorry that you’ve endured such abuse. You are a treasure, and I will miss you sharing your sweet life with us. 💗💗💗

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  26. I’m so sad to hear this, and so incredibly sorry that people are so fricken cruel. 😭😭😭 I loved your page Charlotte. It brought happiness to my life. Just know what when people are mean and nasty it’s their problem, not yours. They are the miserable jerks that have nothing better to do than troll other people. I’ve much enjoyed your family over the years, I was a follower since before you had Lief and I loved your sweet family. When I looked for your page today to see how you were doing and I couldn’t find you I was crushed. I wanted to make sure you were hanging in there. I too deleted all my social media after losing our son to a cord accident stillbirth one 2010. I didn’t even get another social media until almost 3 years later and I’d had 2 additional kids. I have a big family like you, and I love it, I can only pray God blesses you with as many babies as you see fit! Not anyone else. Please know there is still good in this disgusting world, and you did put a smile on my face with each post. Hang in there mama. This too shall pass. Ps: my fave posts were always the ukelele playing. Love you Charlotte. 😘😘😘 Love, Kayce Peters. Chino Valley Arizona

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  27. I am so sorry for what happened to you and for your pregnancy loss. I found you originally because Leif is just a few days older than my second child who is also a boy and I loved seeing them group “together”. Your other children are so darling and I’ve loved seeing them all grow up. You seem like an amazing mom. Sorry for internet trolls that ruined the experience for you. I hope you take care of yourself and your precious little ones.

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  28. I’m so sorry that people are so cruel. There is no need for that, my heart breaks for you. I will miss seeing your posts about your lovely family! ❤️

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  29. Hiiii! I realized u were gone and as I read this post I am so sorry for what you have been through but I think u have done the right thing ❤️❤️❤️ I will miss seeing your beautiful family on IG that used to always make me smile :):) i hope you are feeling better and keep feeling better and enjoy your family and whatever your future brings :):) U all are absolutely wonderful and deserve nothing but amazing things ❤️❤️❤️
    Rachelle :):)

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  30. I am heartbroken for your loss, and for the horrible way people have treated you. You were always a highlight in my feed, I loved hearing your honesty and seeing your beautiful family grow. You will be greatly missed, but I hope this new chapter brings you peace and happiness. I hope you are able to continue to grow your family, especially since it so clear to me that motherhood is clearly your calling in life. I also hope you know that these awful comments from these awful people mean everything about them, and nothing about you. Thank you for everything you shared.

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  31. I kept waiting for your kids to pop up in my stories or on my feed and I finally tried to get on your page and it was gone. I was hoping that maybe you were just taking a break from everything… I had no idea that you had lost a precious baby. My heart aches for you and your family. People are cruel and no one should act that way towards anyone. I understand why you chose to close your account, but I have loved getting to know you, Tom, and the kids over the last couple years and I hope that you know how much y’all are going to be missed. ❤

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  32. I don’t know what could ever be said in a moment like this. You didn’t deserve any of this heartless cruelty. Not than anyone does, but especially not you. I’ve loved being a follower of yours for so long now. You, your family, such beautiful lights in this world. I am heartbroken to hear of your loss, as I know that child would be one loved beyond measure and brought up with such sweet, generous, caring role models, just as your other kids have. Our world could use more bright, happy, caring souls such as the ones you are raising. I wouldn’t have the room on this page to cite all the many ways you’ve inspired me. I’m happy you feel right in this desicion and are courageous enough to follow your heart and do what you feel is best for yourself and your family. You and your lovely family will be so very missed my friend.

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  33. I’ve been following you since my wee one was a babe (she’s the same age as Luna). And while I didn’t comment much, I loved the fact you weren’t trying to influence me to buy crap all the time, and were just being an awesome person sharing her life.
    I apologise for the cruelness of the human race that has judged you so severely.
    A very happy birthday to you for last week, I hope the beautiful souls who surround you made it a special one.

    Mel (from little old New Zealand)

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  34. Charolette,

    I’ve followed you for years, just after you had Luna. Well, we just found out I’m pregnant with my first. I went to your Instagram page to share my news with you. That’s a little crazy because you don’t actually know me, but my husband is also a pilot. I always felt some weird connection because of that. You sent me a Starbucks card once. It was a big deal in my world and made my week. When I couldn’t find your page, I assumed what had happened. I’m so, so sad that my fears were confirmed and that someone who brought me so much joy experienced so much negativity from the same platform. You’re wonderful and so deserving of happiness. I hope your family grows in love and you find peace away from cruelty. We also wish you healing after a such a heart breaking experience. I miss you, but I understand and wish you well.

    With love,
    Insta-follower

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  35. Instagram is such a funny thing- we become so connected to people we don’t even know. You are my favorite mommy blogger. You are so insanely different than any other mom I follow. A southern vegetarian with a truck full of very happy babies, always ready to be honest and not just posting about your latest Target haul. I got so many amazing tidbits from you over the years, even juggled with homeschooling my kids because I saw how successful you were at it with no teaching background. I’ll definitely miss seeing your kids pics and seeing how they grow..I selfishly hope you do come back to Instagram but I completely understand that sometimes the hateful words can get to you. I wish Instagram would just void all inboxes for their users to help chip away at some of the keyboard warriors. I just wanted to let you know- you really helped me. A young (26) mom of 2 trying to find my way in a big city while working full time..your page was so wholesome and happy..it was like food for the soul.
    I really hope the best for you and your family. I hope you get that rainbow baby.

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  36. You always brightened my day with your upbeat posts and I appreciated your “realness” of Motherhood. I’m deeply sorry for your loss and even sorrier there are such nasty people out there! Praying for you and your sweet family. Xoxo

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  37. You will be missed. You were a bright spot in my Instagram feed. I loved watching your family grow, especially your creative bump photos with Leif and I also loved when you shared crazy Lela quotes in your stories- I would show them to my husband and we agree that we hope our daughter grows up to be just as funny. Please take all the time you need, even if it means you never come back. Praying that the Lord draws near to you and your family during this time.

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  38. Hello Charlotte,

    I ran into your account when I was browsing Instagram looking for cute family accounts to follow. I’m 21 and still in university but I love children and I loved watching your family. I found it so cool that you travelled to Newfoundland, it’s where I’m at university and your perspective on it through your stories was hilarious to see. You never failed to brighten my day, your family is beautiful and you should be so proud. I am so sorry to hear about your recent misfortune, it’s everyone’s worst nightmare and the messages you were getting are the most horrible cowardly thing a person could do. I want to thank you for everything you did with your Instagram account, it truly did make my day better with every post. Anytime I was feeling sad, I would look through your posts and stories and the happiness of what you posted would make me feel better. I wish you and your family all the best, your presence on Instagram will be missed!

    -D

    Like

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