So, I know I’ve talked a lot before about how uncomfortable it can be to go to stores with all of my children, mostly because of the way people act when they see a big family. And I know what you’re probably thinking: three kids really isn’t a lot of kids, what could anyone possibly say about that? But, y’all, by having three kids that all look pretty close to the same age while being pregnant with the fourth…holy cow, you would think I’m walking around with a giant sign that says, “PLEASE COMMENT ON MY FAMILY PLANNING CHOICES!!” It’s chaos.
While I’m maniacally trying to get through a giant shopping list in the five minutes I have before one of the girls has a meltdown, people are literally stopping me every five feet to stare at us, touch the kids, and make bizarre comments on my fertility. I’ve learned to just factor it into my grocery shopping experience, and I’m actually writing this after returning from the local Walmart where I was, in fact, stopped on every aisle by everyone with gray hair in the entire store. Slight exaggeration, but you get the point here…
Now, don’t get me wrong: people say some really NICE things to us, too. I get told how blessed I am, how beautiful the babies are, and what an amazing mom I am for raising such well-behaved kids (they clearly don’t see them behind closed doors). A lot of times, older women will stop just to talk to the girls or hold their hands, and I’m totally okay with it! But that’s not what this post is about–I’m talking about the people that think they are just so dang clever for loudly pointing out the obvious fact that you have given birth to multiple children in a short time span.
So, just in case you guys also have a hard time navigating the grocery store with your big family, I’ve decided to do a round-up of some of the top comments we hear and the witty comebacks that have taken me years to refine:
WHEN THEY SAY: “Wow you’ve got your hands full!!”
YOU SAY: “Oh, I’m just getting started”
WHEN THEY SAY: “Are they all yours?
YOU SAY: “Yes. I’m trying to take over the world, and it looks like my plan is on schedule.”
WHEN THEY SAY: “You look too young to have so many babies!”
YOU SAY: “Thank you. I’m actually a 163-year-old wizard, but I’ve been trying a great new skincare routine.”
WHEN THEY SAY: “You know what causes that, right?”
YOU SAY: “Well, I’m actually here to buy a bird trap because this stork just won’t stop bringing them.”
WHEN THEY SAY: “Are you trying to make your own baseball team?”
YOU SAY: “Nope. Just trying to buy some groceries…”
WHEN THEY SAY: “Were they all planned??”
YOU SAY: “Only the well behaved ones.”
WHEN THEY SAY: “Are you going to get fixed after this?”
YOU SAY: “Well, clearly nothing is broken”
WHEN THEY SAY: “You trying to get your own reality show?”
YOU SAY: “Oh I already have one. The film crew is just stuck on the bread aisle right now.”
So, being that we live in a very small town in the South, most of the time I actually just have to smile and keep walking. But every now and then, I get to break one of these comebacks out, and everyone involved enjoys a good laugh. Because that’s the thing, y’all–people don’t even realize they’re being a little rude by making comments like these…they legitimately think they’re being funny. That’s why you just have to show them that you and your magical baby-making powers are, in fact, funnier than they are. 🙂